A letter to parents, before your child flies.
What the first week in the UK feels like from inside it — and what your child probably will not tell you on the phone home.
Dear parent,
By the time you are reading this, your child has either flown or is about to. The suitcase is closed. The passport is in the small front pocket of the rucksack. You have probably had the conversation about whether to take the heavier coat or the lighter one. You have probably had the other conversation too — the one neither of you wanted to have — about money, about safety, about calling home, about being sensible.
This letter is to tell you what the first week in the UK actually feels like to your child, so that the conversations you have with them across the time-zone gap make a little more sense. And so that what you ask is what they actually need to be asked.
The first 48 hours
Your child will land tired. Whatever the time of day, they will be tired in a way that is not just sleep-tired — it is administered-tired. They have queued through immigration, waited at baggage, found their suitcase, walked through customs holding a piece of paper they were not sure was the right paper. The first hour in a new country is mostly about not making a mistake.
What they need in those 48 hours is logistical, not emotional. A working SIM card. A roof that is locked correctly. A bed with sheets on it. Food. They are unlikely to call you and tell you they are sad. They will call you and tell you something tactical happened — the bus was confusing, the lock was difficult, the supermarket had no jasmine rice. These are the real questions of the first 48 hours. They are not problems with your child; they are problems your child has just been handed.
The most useful thing you can be in those 48 hours is calm. Anything they tell you is fixable. If they call from the supermarket because they cannot find the cooking oil they recognise, the answer is "you'll find a better one, you've eaten in airports for the last 18 hours, eat whatever is closest to you, we'll work it out tomorrow."
The middle of the week
By day three or four, the practical questions have mostly been answered. The SIM works. The bed is theirs. They have walked to the shop without getting lost. And this is when, in our experience, the conversation on the phone changes shape.
They will not tell you that they are lonely. They will not say it in those words. What they will say is that they are tired. That the city is grey. That the food is fine. That they have not really met anyone yet. That fresher's week has not started. That they wish they could be home for a weekend.
What is happening, behind those small statements, is that the practical problems have given way to the emotional ones. There is a week to go before they meet their flatmates, before classes start, before the social rhythm of university kicks in. And in the meantime, the only person they have spoken to in the new country is the cashier at the supermarket.
The first call where your child sounds flat is not a sign that something is wrong. It is the sign that the boring part has started. Everyone has the boring part. It passes.
The most useful thing you can be in this middle stretch is curious. Ask what they ate. Ask if they have figured out the washing machine. Ask if there is a Chinese / Indian / Nigerian supermarket near their accommodation. Practical questions give them something to answer that does not require them to lie about being fine.
What they probably will not tell you
A few things your child will probably not say on the phone home, even if all of them are true:
- They have cried at least once.
- They have eaten cereal for dinner at least one night.
- They miss your cooking specifically. Not Chinese / Indian / Nigerian food in general. Yours.
- They are worried they will not make friends. They will. But that worry is real.
- They have considered, briefly, whether they made a mistake by coming. Almost every international student we have met has considered this in the first week. They almost all decide, by week three, that they did not.
You do not have to ask about any of these. You just have to know they are true.
What helps from across the world
From thousands of miles away, there are a few specific things that help:
- A scheduled call at a time that works for both of you. Not "call when you can". A specific moment, every day for the first week, that they know is coming.
- A photograph of something familiar sent on WhatsApp once a day. A meal you cooked. The cat. The garden. Something that says home is still there.
- Permission to come home for the weekend if it gets bad. They almost certainly will not take it. But knowing the option exists is the difference between a week that feels open and a week that feels imprisoning.
- Not asking, every call, whether they have made friends. They will tell you when they have.
What does not help
This is harder to write but worth being honest about.
- Sending money repeatedly does not solve loneliness, and your child knows it.
- Forwarding articles about how dangerous a UK city is increases anxiety on both sides.
- Calling at 3am UK time because you cannot sleep makes them feel responsible for your sleep too.
- Comparing them to a cousin or friend who "settled in faster" is one of the most reliable ways to make them stop telling you when something is hard.
None of these things are catastrophic. You will probably do one or two of them. So did we. The point is that they are unhelpful, and recognising them as unhelpful is most of the work.
And then fresher's week starts
And the quiet week ends. Your child meets their flatmates. There is a society fair. They find another international student who knows the same songs they grew up with. They eat a meal with a group of strangers and discover that two of them are okay. The phone calls home start to be in passing, between things, "I'll call you tomorrow, I'm going out."
This is what you wanted. It does not feel like it for about three months. By month four, you will both be okay.
If you can give your child a softer landing for the first week — through GSOS or through a relative or through luck — please do. The first week shapes the first term. The first term shapes the first year. The first year shapes everything else.
We are here to help. But the most important thing is just that you read this.
Warmly,
GSOS.
The first week, handled.
GSOS pairs your child with a vetted UK student who shares their language or culture. Two to five days. A real person. A series of milestones — straight to your phone.
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